Davidoodle Demke. Warning: This is a long one folks.

                                           Prologue. 

Originally, like all my posts this started out to be just a few photos with maybe a funny witty comment or two (to me) and blew up into a novel. Pretty much like when I start talking, when I start writing about one thing I tend to head off in about several random directions and can't stop until someone takes the mike away or Christian gives me the "eye" ball roll or until I get bored with myself. Which can take a lot longer than what it takes for other people to get bored with me.  And having dabbled in therapy here and there I tend to believe I've got everyone figured out, sooo when I started in on this one I just couldn't stop myself and it turned into a sort of David Demke post. Christian's baby brother. My brother in law. Because it was so fun to write about him. 

My relationship with David is simple. It works just right for us. We are like 2 peas in a pod. We are both love bugs together and enjoy complimenting each other on how beautiful we are, but when we have had enough of each other we don't hesitate to let the other one know. He is one of my favorite people. I always know where I stand with him and he never leaves me guessing. I know when he calls me "Susie Finch" I'm on his good side and when he calls me "Susie don't pick a nose" he's not really in the mood to deal with me. See? Simple. I wish everyone could just let me know by what they call me. Save me some stress. 

Oh- FYI.  I am not the nose picker! David is. Notorious. If I see someone doing it I will panic. I just can't put up with it. Number one on my gross out list. I'll barf. So once when I first came into the picture I told him (maybe screamed at him) to stop and he has never let it past me. It's fine. I have never let it past him either. See, we click. 

I love David. I'm grateful for the joy and happiness he has brought into my life and David has taught me a lot about myself and what I expect from other people. He teaches me to be patient and has brought fully to my attention I do NOT and can NOT control the world. I am so grateful my children have David as an uncle. More than I could ever do or say as a mother he has taught them true love and compassion. He has turned them into protectors and advocates. David makes the world better. He makes my world better and I'm so happy he is my brother.

As it seems my posts tend to have a theme or a subject David is it this week. 

                                                              

                                                            

          I HEART DAVID                                           

 One of my (many) favorite qualities about David Demke my delightful brother in law is his complete and total honesty with everyone he encounters. I'm actually very envious of this particular characteristic of his. If he likes you you will know it. If he doesn't like you...... you will know that too. 

If he wants a certain gift for his birthday he will tell you (starting about 3 months leading up to it) and if you get it for him he will definitely let you know you how happy you have made him. It's often accompanied by hugs and kisses. For the rest of the day.  If you don't get him what he was hoping for or he doesn't like your gift because it was lame crap, well he won't spare your feelings. No hugs no kisses no nothing! And you get the stink eye for the rest or the day. He doesn't really have a poker face. 

I look forward to every birthday to see who will give the crappy present and watch how he shows his disdain. It cracks me up. Even if it was C and I who were the givers of crap that year. 

 You know I- would love to tell LOTS of people I don't like them. However that would really embarrass Christian. And make us grossly unpopular. But David?- Why on earth shouldn't he be honest? I think his logic is- Why on earth should he NOT let you know exactly how he feels about you or your gift or your attitude (especially if it's a bad one) or your......... hair. And I second that. Yeah. Why? 

 I have a friend "J" who somewhat shares this logic but her method to get her point across would be to send an anonymous letter to the oblivious public offender. To kindly point out what everyone else is thinking and saying about you. Not just for our benefit but yours too. But not David. No, he will say to your face. Straight up. It's YOUR fault after all if he doesn't like you. So you ought to know. And it's just one of those things that I really appreciate about him. But ONLY David. Because I know it comes from his heart and he's not just being malicious. Just being  David and David is NOT malicious. Just honest. It's a fine line. Let me break it down. 

 If you are ugly, he will tell you.  If he's not in the mood for you, he will tell you. If you are a girl who sort of looks like a boy he will probably tell you that too. He may also irritatedly ask you which one you are (like it's your fault he can't tell) or loudly whisper and ask the person nearest to him. He will use two fingers to shield his mouth so the individual who's identity is being questioned won't be able to read his lips and know what it is he is loudly whispering.  Like I said he is not being malicious he just needs to get the bottom of it. Are you a boy or are you a girl? It's a simple and fair question. 

If for any reason you rub him the wrong way, don't treat him the way he likes to be treated or he doesn't want to sit next to you at the dinner table he will not hesitate to let you know. I personally find this very refreshing and sometimes wish I could do the same. But then I would have less friends than I already don't have. And embarrass Christian. And be unpopular. However, strangely this actually buys David friends AND laughs. I think because those who don't know him well think he's joking. But he's not.... 

Now if it at all sounds a bit mean I'm telling you it really isn't. Here's why.

 David loves order. In all things. Well, in all things he can control. His brain is like a very neatly arranged and assembled attic of perfectly stacked and labeled Rubbermaid bins.  If you can't be placed into one of those bins he won't have much to do with you. You will confuse him. It's my solid belief we all operate somewhat like this but David has no reason to pretend he doesn't. There is a bin for good presents and a bin for bad presents and he's so honest he won't hide which one it's going in. Because lying is a sin. 

It's my understanding he keeps his outside world and inside world very much the same. For instance. David's room is "zone". His zone of order. In his room he likes his bobbleheads, his "Angels" paraphernalia and all else that lives in there perfectly arranged and organized. Socks, belts, papers, crayons, movies, deodorant, you name it all lined up just so. Everything in it's own respective spot. If you move ANYTHING he will get very pissed and tell Becky on you. And then you will have to put it back and watch him adjust it because you did it wrong.  

 side note If I have ever acted irritated or a little put out for having to go along with all these little ticks and quirks its because I am secretly very jealous HE gets to get away with it and that everyone honors it AND thinks it's charming. When I try to keep all MY bobble heads arranged and in order in MY "zone" everyone accuses me of being a fastidious- you know what. It's the same thing guys!! It's just how some of us feel good. Okay? So why does he get to do it and I can't? Sorry. Anyway..... 

 So if you are a jerk or bossy (too bossy for his liking) or are a boygirl or have a bad 'tude there is a bin for you. And once he puts you in a certain bin it is very hard to get out of it and get yourself into another. Very hard. It would be like switching around one of his bobble heads. If you try to jump bins he will just put you back. He has the memory of an elephant. I tried after the whole nose picking comment. I'm stuck. He's not letting it go. Hence my #2 nickname.

So hopefully you get put in a good bin. And most people do go in a good bin. You have to be a pretty big d-bag to go in a bad one; so if you get put in it, you've got some problems. You kind of just have to know him to get all this. 

Okay so where am I going with this? David, bins and brutal honesty. I took a detour on the bins and bobble heads but it was fun to dissect. Believe it or not this post isn't just about David. Like I said it started with an original idea and veered. It's about me too. 

 What? Really? 

Oh come on. It's always about me. But David is included in this one because I only write about people I love and who deserve the blog space. So let's move forward and around in circles to get to the point. Different point.

 One of David's favorite things in life is Disney movies. LOVES THEM. And if you are mom, sister, sister-in-law, cousin, semi-related female OR he has a crush on you: he likes to assign you a role as a Disney girl character. For life. I'm sure there is a bin upstairs that this all fits in. So every year around Halloween he gets a little more resolute about his plans for what he would like you to be and dress up as and your respective husband is assigned the role/character of the Disney princess' respective prince or lover. 

Why? Because it makes him happy. It's Halloween. It's dress up time.  It fits into a bin. Who knows, but it's David so it's fun.

See if you can tell how this works.

Erin Hart- Snow White

Katherine Boy- Ariel (she is "Katherine Boy" for her short hair)

Angela- Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty, I can't remember

Jenny- Cinderella or Sleeping beauty, I can't remember 

Me- Jasmine

Kim Demke- Belle

Mom- Ursula (because she can be mean and bossy and have a 'tude- says David)(but mom is in a good bin)(because she's mom)

 I think it pretty much comes down to the color of your hair. Okay? So a year and half ago around Halloween (I had just had Sheldon about 2 months prior) David started his campaign that Christian and I were to dress up as Aladdin and Jasmine. He even drew us a picture to make sure we would get the costumes just right. 

Pause- that's another thing. Certain pictures that David draws are like written orders/wish lists/ renovation plans/birthday party instructions/dessert requests, ect.  What he envisions in his head and puts on paper is pretty much the cake/party/bedroom set/gift/costume you are expected to somehow pull together for his enjoyment. Poor mom has had to make and remake many a costume for David depending on which Prince he wants to dress up as, IN accordance to what particular scene of the particular movie he is envisioning that particular prince in. Did I mention David is particular? One year it was Prince Eric, the next it was Price Eric at the wedding. Two very different costumes. 

He will pause the movie, draw the prince and costume, deliver the method of orders and instruction to BeckyMom who is then expected to promptly whip out her sewing machine and comply. There have been many a argument over lapels, buttons, pinstripes, piping, gloves, you name it, all manner of essential princely detail that will make his ensemble just right. Now you see how this all works. Or close enough. 

 So David drew Christian and I a picture of the costumes he wanted us to don that year for Halloween. Aladdin and Jasmine. How cute. 

Okay- remember when I said David is brutally honest? I wasn't just telling you that for the sake of telling you. It ties into the story here. Not only is David  honest- but he also happens to be a master at "Realism" Art (look it up) in his portraits of people. It goes hand in hand. I would say he is sort of like those character sketchers at Disneyland and Knotts Berry Farm? Got big teeth? In your personal portrait (if you are lucky enough to receive one) they will be included in all their shiny bigness and glory. Unless they are not shiny and glorious and then will NOT be drawn as such. 

Remember: Why on earth should he draw you as anything but you really are or look like? He is a realistic artist and nothing less. Which means even if you didn't put in a request for a personal costume design portrait of yourself, when it's made you will not be spared in his interpretation of what you will probably look like in that particular costume design portrait of yourself. Even if you are two months post partum. Because there is no bin for dishonesty or touch ups.  David draws it and tells it like he sees it.  It is YOU after all. You get the picture. 

 So when he finished our costume sketches that we didn't know we were getting he ceremoniously hands the drawings over to us with a big grin full of expectation. And this is what he expects. 

 He expects you to graciously thank him for his time and attention to detail then promptly run out and buy the costume or whip it out on the sewing machine we all have stashed in our closet. And wear it. For his enjoyment. Or perhaps for your enjoyment as well. On Halloween. Or perhaps through out the year if you felt so inclined.  Of which we did not. Let me show you why. Let me show you why I did not. 

I would like to share that picture with you.

My reveal.

 Please note the triple chin ( I do tend to carry extra weight around my face). My breasts hanging approximately half way down my torso (look where they land in relation to my forearms and wrists). Notice the muffin top hanging considerably over my pantaloons (I'm wondering if perhaps he thought there was still another baby to be had) and my very large belly button. (Mine is a bit of an outie). 

May I just say this -David nailed it.  How I would look as Jasmine. Ever true to his artistic style and talent. 

 And this my friends and family is one of the (many) reasons why I love Davidoodle Demke. Because no one else will draw free pictures of me. No one but David thinks I look like Jasmine the exotic Disney Princess. No one else could tell me in so few words or no words at all really that I should get started on a diet.  And maybe wear a more supportive bra. 

 "J" friend, maybe just send anonymous pictures to people instead. That could be a little easier on the self esteem......I'm sure you could somehow sketch out- People don't like you because you brag and interrupt too much. Thought you should know. Signed X

You know how it's said a picture speaks a thousand words? That picture spoke volumes to me. 

DO NOT wear a bathing suit so quickly after giving birth.  

Epilogue

 I LOVE that picture and it always cheers me up and makes me laugh. I keep it right next to my bed and I always think of David when I see it and think of how much fun it is to have him in our lives. How grateful I am for his life.

It also keeps me humble AND motivated to leave the Girl Scout cookies tucked away in my night stand drawer. 

Here is Christian as Aladdin. I want to have both of them framed for our bathroom. 

 Notice how Christian is so slim his pants have to be held up with suspenders. I don't think Aladdin wore suspenders but David will offer alternatives if he knows you won't be able to keep your pants up. 

One last fun little detail. You can't tell in my photo because my feet are cut off, but feet always go to the right. Both of them.