Road Trip!

Every month during the school year I drive myself up to Clovis to see Gavin for a few days. He stays in Fresno for school. Darn school. I'll tell you this- It's a weird and complicated visitation schedule but we've managed to make it work. For our family. Of course we make it work. I once said it takes a little bit of sacrifice on everyone's part and sometimes someone comes up short, but we always try to roll with it.  And we don't complain. Why do that? That makes everything worse. It never makes anything better. Trust me on that. About once a month, for the weekend, we (Gav and I) will drive back down to Norco and he spends that weekend here with the rest of the fam. What does this mean? ROAD TRIP! YEAH BABY!

When this all came to fruition about a year ago I thought I was going to have a heart attack. From the new custody "agreement". The thought of only having a week and weekend with Gavin every month literally put some massive strain on my heart. For the record- I would drive anywhere to be with any of the kids. And I've always imagined that a heart attack would feel like your heart is breaking. So there you go. I thought.  BUT- fortunately, there are a couple things I have learned in my life. Thus far. Not too many, but a few, and one of them is- When life hands you lemons... Make very sweet lemonade. And don't skimp on the sugar. 

And so began our "road trips".  At first it seemed like it was going to be a big issue. All that driving once a month. But surprisingly it wasn't. We load up DVD's, the gameboy, some other little small red handheld electronic form of fun, Calvin and Hobbes comic books, books, Pokemon cards, and this that and the other to take some strain off the four hour drive. Interestingly though, all those "distractions"  never seemed to make their way out of the console, backpack, or out from under the seat.  Okay, maybe occasionally. But interesting indeed.

As a parent when you don't get the luxury of dealing with the daily hassles and headaches of raising your own child something happens. You take every moment you have with him and you make it worthwhile. Yes mommies, those hassles and headaches are luxuries. And blessings. Yes, they are. All the small things they say and do in their lives suddenly become.... important. And valuable. Because you make them important. Those small things actually are important and invaluable; yet somehow you are only able to realize this when they're no longer at your finger tips. With Gavin, I've been forced to take the limited amount of time we have together and just pause pause and make the most of our time we have together. Even when we are in the car. 

Something wonderful happened when we started making these drives. It became an opportunity for us to talk. To talk, sing, dedicate songs to each other, joke, tell jokes, laugh, sometimes even cry, and mostly just be together. When certain people with very good intentions tell me I coddle Gavin or tell me I'm too soft or I treat him differently, I often retaliate with- But you don't know him! Not like I do! While what they are saying may be very true it's also very true what I'm saying. Somehow I got lucky enough to occasionally have access into his inner most thoughts, secrets, feelings and desires. He will tell me about his friends, his crushes(if I can pull it out of him), a good joke he heard on the playground or perhaps his thoughts and beliefs on sneaking out a fart in class. Sometimes he'll share his worries, his concerns or his struggles(if I can pull it out of him). Sometimes it's painful to hear. Because sometimes it's about me. But that's okay. Whatever we talk about in the car is safe and yes, I really do feel like no one knows him like I do. If I have a tendency to coddle maybe it's because I know he was having a really rough week and feels like no one understands him. Am I delusional to think that mother knows best? Maybe. Do I feel prideful? No. I feel privileged. Someday I won't have a "pass" or access to all of this anymore. So I just soak it in and use these opportunities to get to know him and allow him to get to know me; that sometimes I have a rough week too and sometimes I feel like no one understands me. While he's still interested.  

Long car trips once a month- sour lemons. Add water and sugar here. Spending 4 uninterrupted hours a month talking with my 9 year old- Sweet lemonade.

Maybe it once felt like a hassle, but when we load up now, we look forward to that quiet time together. The time we used to have more of and don't have much of now. For all the things that truly stink about this lousy custody situation, I will forever be grateful for the all hours we've logged trucking down the 99  from Clovis to Norco and back- talking, drinking root beer, and snacking on nachos. All the things I've learned about my son (and hopefully all the things he has learned about me) are precious to me, they're mine for the keeping and I'm so grateful for those drives. I'm thankful I had to the sense to realize this. A blessing in disguise? I believe so. A little tender mercy from yours truly. 

Our conversations run the gamut. I don't know if there is anything that hasn't come up. These curious and insightful conversations can go anywhere from our nations dependency on foreign oil to yanging and gleeking- I was surprised he had no clue what that was. Accidentally spitting while talking. From under your tongue..... Ask your brother.

-The birds and the bees- Our approach is scientific and respectful mixed with a little whimsy and barf noises. 

-Conflict free diamonds vs blood diamonds- The beginning to the end of oppression starts with food, clean water, and education. 

-Poops and farts- Naturally

-Being able to "shut someone down" without being a jerk or sinking to your opponents level- Yes it's possible

-Corrupt governments and dictators

-Where is the middle east

-Why we have to get oil from those guys anyway and not someone else- this was our hot topic last weekend. 

-Skin cancer-Use sunblock

-The terrible, terrible results and health hazards of drinking Rock Stars and other "energy drinks"- He mostly listens and rolls his eyes while I preach that his bones will never grow to their full potential and his eye sight will be off and he will have thin hair and stunted leg growth ect. ect. ect.

-Recess politics- Who gets to control the ball and boss the game

-The story of Gavin's birth and babyhood- These are his favorites 

-Divorce

-Kissing- Not till he's engaged! Please! Yes, that's from me.

-Missions

-Pokemon 

-Halo Wars

-The importance of brushing your tongue

-Renewable energy sources

-Girls vs. boys

-Manners

-Money

-The current state of our economy

-Ear wax

-Eating  vegetables

-Religion

-Gambling

-Riddles and knock knock jokes- that I often can't figure out

-Dogs that eat poo

I can't even list everything. But as you can see all those hours in a car together makes for great, stimulating, and interesting conversations. I'm not claiming I'm an expert on any of this stuff, or that I even know what I'm talking about period. But it doesn't keep us from talking. Gavin is a smart boy. With a big heart. I hope this all means as much to him as it has me. Maybe not now. But maybe when he's old and I'm gone he will remember the story of his birth and what a gleek is. The end.

One of my very favorite things to do while driving is finding small family run farm stands.  I love stopping with the kids and roaming these little joints and bringing home delectable goodies for my family that I would never find at Von's. I support the little man. I am a little man. Here is a tip from me. If you are driving and see these road side gems, pull over, stretch your legs, and sample the fare. Perhaps buy some. You will leave with some delicious nutritious road trip snacks and some great memories. 

On this last trip Gavin and I stopped at Murray Family Fruit Farms off the 58 Highway right outside of Bakersfield. Hands down the best blackberries I have ever had. Seriously. This fun place had a petting zoo and peacocks and people size ant hills and bowls of corn kernels to swim around in, orchards to pick your own fruit and a great store with lots of samples. That I "sampled" a lot on. I was hungry! And I do love free food. We did buy some fruit. To give back for all the free ones I ate. On our way home we munched on cherries and blackberries, sang and chatted, and took some photos. 

We take the 58 to avoid all the traffic you're going to hit once over the grapevine. When it's a Friday. It's a lovely drive. Once on this route and I don't know what the city was called, we found an interesting tiny little diner/cafe, where everybody knows your name and your "usual", and ate with some very friendly locals. Crappy waffles but a fun atmosphere. Good times. 

A few pictures from our drive last weekend.

"On the road again, can't wait to get back on the road again. Like a band of gypsies we go down the highway, we're the best of friends"

"The life I love is makin' music with my friends"

 

We listen to a lot of music and all the awesome CD's Christian "mixes" for us. If Gavin likes it we listen to it over and over and over and over......

Gavin has a very eclectic taste in music now. Which is awesome. 

"Have you ever met a girl that you tried to date.... You, you got what I nee-eed But you say he's just a friend, you say he's just a friend........" "Even though I met you only recently, I find myself falling in love with you. I don't know quite how to put this decently, but what's the chance that you could love me too?"

Renewable energy sources

Gavin's filthy feet. On my dash board

One day at school. No socks with Crocs. Gross.

Delicious black berries. Well worth the diarrhea. He was stained all the way down his neck and didn't know it.

Gavin in a big bowl of corn kernels. Apparently this was one of his life dreams. I never knew.... I don't think he did either until he got in it. He was able to check this off his bucket list. That I didn't know he had.

Giving his butt a high five..... 

Mom posing with the peacocks. One of the many cool attractions at the fruit stand. 

Gavin posing with peacocks. Torture would be getting shut in the cage with those guys. I couldn't even joke about it to him. Who knew...

The Buddha Belly. 

Photo's by Gavin on mom's i phone. Not too shabby. The quality of the photo's that is.

"And I just can't wait to get on the road again"