JAY is ONE.

It's been a long time- yes. Just so you know (because I know you care) I do try. I have about 13 drafts collecting dust where ever blogspot drafts collect dust. (I could ask Christian to tell me but I would have to call him. And that's not worth it for a lame joke) So, I do try to keep up with keeping you up with our extremely interesting and important lives. I've just been so busy. We've been busy. Good busy. I feel like I am on four different schedules right now. What am I talking about? I AM on four different schedules. And sadly my own private schedule doesn't start until 11:00pm and ends at whenever Animal Hoarders, RHOWhatever, 19 Kids and Counting and Women Behind Bars can't keep my eyes open anymore. When all the kids are home, stealing up to the computer for 3 hours feels like a sin. So I tend to blog at night but watching people hoard 40 cats and getting caught with 30 pounds of poo under one couch, it's just so damn interesting. Yes, my pitiful posts take me hours. Because I'm paranoid, neurotic and slow and the irony isn't lost on me that after all that work I still write like a 3rd grader. If you were to peek at my file, the unfinished drafts far outweigh my published. That's probably a good thing. For example- I've already mentioned cat feces in this post.

We had a birthday! But we have one more coming 'round the bend so I'm going to do those together..... Wait. Okay. I'll do it now. Everyone is asleep.

Jay turned one! Oh. My. Goodness. For the younger, hipper crowd-OMG. Oh. Oh. Oooohhh. OOOOHHHH. What a year. What a year. (I made a joke about a Dante's Inferno but C thought it too harsh. Away it goes.)

Jay is very..... intense. He knows what he wants and he wants- YOU. Okay- not you, you, but me. He wants ME. And Christian. And he wants me on my feet and moving. Which of course I can't do. I so wish I could communicate to him that he is the fourth and I do feel terrible but the luxury of walking the halls and bouncing, jiggling and shushing are just not granted to the fourth. One of life's cruel unfairities (made up word) but that's just the way it is. Bless his heart. What a year it has been. Lot's of tears. Mine. Lot's of poop. His. (lucky)

I love Jay beeeeccaaauussee- He has the silliest grin. I love his smile the best. (oops did I just admit that?) Well, it's fair because I just titled him the whiniest. It's lopsided and huge and he's got more teeth on one side of his mouth than the other and strangely this unevenness does nothing to flare up my neurosis of feeling uneven. It's just so darn cute. And since it's so rare it's even better. I love when he smiles. I feel like I did something. We all do. When he finally gives us a grin everyone starts gushing and talking in gibberish and we all act like fools trying to keep the smile going. Jumping and hopping around from one foot to the other with our hands scratching our armpits singing ooh ooh ooh.

Jay also loves to sing. He is a little songbird. "Everything I Own" from Bread is his go-to. He rocks it. Because he sings and sings so loudly I forgive him for all the tears and tantrums. I love to be sung to... No I don't. It makes me feel uncomfortable and awkward but it's cute when it's a baby. It's so cute when it's Jay.

Now here is the twisted Susie part of our relationship. He needs me. He wants me. And that is food for my hungry ego. He feeds my soul. (FYI-Any other human person who needs or wants me I run from) But it's different with my children. Even though he is loud and rude and hates everyone but me and dad, it kind of makes me feel good inside. I always get picked first and I never get picked first. Jay picks me first. Sniff. He just wants his mother. A boy who wants his mother? Oh, be still my heart. Yes, I know I have some complex. Naming it isn't necessary.

Another funny oddity. He loves stuffed animals. We all hate them. I think they are crap. A complete waste of space and fur but he loves a soft little fuzzy bear to sleep with and hold in his crib. So naturally I make an exception for him and even bought him a huge lame bear for his birthday. It was his favorite present and the only one he doesn't have to worry about the other kids trying to steal and play with. And it's just so darn cute to watch him rub his cheeks on a fuzzy bear. To see him act so tender towards something. Even if it's a lame bear.

Jay is such a blessing to this family. He is a blessing to me. He has totally mellowed me out. He broke me. At one point I realized I can't change him, I can only change myself and interestingly that's kind of seeped into many other needed areas in my life. And I'm liking it. I love this little man in a baby's body. I love his laugh. I love his hair. I love his breath. His hands are perfect. And the 3 teeth all on the right side of his mouth are just icing on the cake.

Happy Birthday Jay!

Likes-

Mom

Dad

Stuffed animals

Dislikes-

Whitley

Sheldon

You

Food

Diapers

The floor

Ambivalent about-

Everything else