Facebook and lonely evenings in Fresno

I joined Facebook. While I found it so cool I am also very scared of it. For so many reasons. I have never really understood how it works and felt like with my blog and e-mail I was keeping up with the Kardashians okay and all, BUT apparently I was not. I sort of stumbled on it by trying to spy on a girl I was trying to set my brother up with. Her sister, my friend, casually asked if he had a Facebook page, (I have no idea), her sister did, he could look her up if he wanted to check her out. Well I wanted to check her out too so I thought I could just casually browse on Facebook. Not so. I know everyone knows this and I'm lame but I really had no clue what it really was about. Really I didn't. I'm out of it, what can I say. MySpace for people over 30 ish. Right? And all I ever really knew about MySpace was the stuff I read in Newsweek about all the perverts and and mean girl cheerleader bullies and things like that. So Facebook is for mean cheerleader girl bullies after they turn 30? Honestly I never bothered to do either because it would require me figuring something else out on top of the 500 other things I have to figure out already. Things like who pooped on the carpet in the playroom. There's just a lot going on right now. Besides I'm currently stuck at a 3rd grade learning cap right now. I'm just keeping up with Gavin.
So, I am trying to check out this girl- I actually Googled Facebook and started looking for her and realized that I have to open an account. Hmm. Okay whatever, I start following the directions, Confirm-Confirm-Confirm- I have an account. Would you like to put up a photo? No. Edit your profile? -No. I just want to see what she looks like! AND to do that----- I have to ask to be her friend? What!? No way. Why do I have to ask to be her friend? Forget it. Daniel can just tell me if they go out. I have never been comfortable approaching people and asking to be friends. Probably why I have few.
So a couple days later I get 2 e-mails. So and so on Facebook would like to be your friend. Oh it's Emily! Long time no see or hear. This could be fun. I don't want to be boring so I replace my shadow picture with a real one and make up a small boring bio with a link to my blog for my 2 new "friends". It's all I can figure out.
Next day before bed I go to check my e-mail. OH HOLY CRAP.
I slowly back away from my computer and with my arms pressed to my sides, that is how I speedwalk, and I quickly and silently speedwalk to my room where Christian is. Because it's late.

Me- Um, Christian can I talk to you for a second. (BTW- I don't have to ask to talk to my husband or wait for him to grant me entrance to our room. Before he goes to bed he likes to engage in what I refer to as his "nerd time" which invloves some really nerdy book or a tivo'd episode of South Park or Battlestar Galactica or something like that. He gets really engrossed and jovial so I don't like to interrupt it) But this was an emergency. Here is the gist of our conversation. Let me share my ignorance.
Christian-Yes?
Me- Um, Could you tell me everything you know about Facebook?
Christian- (pauses South Park) Okay, why?
Me- Okay-wellIopenedmyemailandIhadlike20emailsofpeoplewhoappearedoutofnowherefromtheworldwidewebeandtheyareallaskingtobemyfriendandthere'ssomanyandIhavetoignoreorconfirmandIdont'knowwhattodoandwhotosayyestoandwhotosaynotoandhowtorespondandtheywillallseethelinktomyblogwhichisbasicallyonlyreadbymymomandsistersandmyfourfriendsandIalwaystalkaboutdiarrheaandmaybeImmorepoularthanIeverknew but .............I'm scared.
Christian- What are you scared of?
Me- My new found notoriety.
Christian- silence-
Me-What?
Christian- Susie, okay first they don't really want to be your friend or if they are they aren't re- asking. It's a way of asking to view or peek at your profile............ (gives brief explanation of Facebook. He doesn't have an account but this is the perk of being married to a tech nerd, even though millions of non nerdy people can do it, anything he can figure out and I can't I just assume it's because he's a tech nerd and I'm lame.) and it really has nothing to do with your being........... "popular or notorious". Plus I am assuming if some of these people knew you before, you were probably still talking about poo and diarrhea then and they won't be too surprised you are still talking about it now. There is much worse out on the Internet and you're not the only person with a blog talking about diarrhea.
Me-why did you use air quotes? Speaking of peeking I saw something about poking and I am scared to click anything in the screen by their pictures because I don't want to poke anyone. Is that rude. It sounds gross.
Christian-More explanation about poking. (I'm still confused.)
Me- So it's not me
Christian- no.
Me-So I'm not wildly popular
Christian- no.
Me-Poking and Peeking are two different things.
Christian-Is this something you can handle?
Me-Probably not.
Christian-then cancel it.
Me-all my new friends will think I am dissing them.
Christian- Susie can I finish South Park?
Well- I do know, now, that it's normal to have like 300 friends on Facebook. 20 just seemed like so many, all at once. I was so overwhelmed. You can laugh. But between then and now I can't stop looking at Facebook! But I don't get it. I don't get Facebook and it scares me. Have I rejected someone without knowing. I feel like such a dork. And old. Age wise I'm technically on the MySpace/Facebook cusp so I'm not that old. I don't eat Filet o Fish and Maple Bars are gross. Elizabeth.
My friend/ old friend /new Facebook friend Emily mentioned to me on my "wall" that her husband sat by 2 guys on an airplane who kept talking about Japanese anime and reminisced I would have classified them as belonging in the "4th Dimension." That is a place I apparently made up (I don't remember) where nerds live. What happened if I married one, do I exist there too, with him? Or am I the nerd and Christian has to be in the 4th Dimension with me? It's probably the later but I guess I make the rules since I made it up. Well this nerd can't deal with Facebook. It makes me anxious about the responsibility of accepting friends or ignoring them. That is way too much for my guilty conscience. I struggle already with people confirming or ignoring me in my normal daily life. It's like being 14 all over again. It will control me. It's like having the "ring" from Lord of the Rings. Having a Facebook page is like wearing the ring. It's been calling to me since I opened it and I was up all night the other night looking at people. Who is going to ask to be my friend next? Who can I spy on. I am turning into Gollum and Facebook "My Precious" Then to be able to confirm or ignore. Oh the power. I can't wear the ring. It will consume me. (I think that definitely qualified me for the 4th Dimension).
Here's what fascinated me though. I peeked (didn't poke) at people I haven't seen in years. I wish there was a way to look with out having to ask. Isn't that voyeurism? That's the great thing about blogs. No asking. It totally indulges my need for private stalking. Except for April's, who's blog posts my location every time I look at it. Damn. But fortunately she is a self admitted stalker like me so it's cool. I think I have to stick to just this blog. I think it's time to cancel my Facebook. After the whole 2 days it's been up. Can I do it?
Maybe.
Not.
Poor Christian. He has another addiction to deal with now.
Anyway. Just lame musings. We are in Fresno this week (yeah!) so no pictures to post. Just lots of time to write and write and write.....