This picture really should say it all. What was going through my head when I bought a tub of cheeze balls the size of my one year old son?
My only excuse is we were in Sam's Club and everything is huge so it's hard to put size into perspective when you step into the store/warehouse. It's like entering Oz. Your mind expands as you look up and see huge tents and trampolines floating above you. You just start thinking big and needing big. (That reads very weird. Like I should have Pink Floyd playing in the back round. It's not and I'll leave it). But it's true, you sort of lose your sense of size. Like the actual size of your family(super skinny) and your pantry(we don't have one). Yes we need a five pound jar of mayonnaise this week. What?
So we were loading up our cart with cases of egg rolls and orange juice, anything we can freeze and I see the cheeze ball tub and toss them into our cart. I guess I figured they looked tasty and we had a lot of family coming for the weekend, we could snack on cheeze balls with our sandwiches. Who snacks on cheeze balls? I don't know if I ever have had more than 2 or 3 at a time in my whole life. I get sick when I eat them and they leave a nauseating film in your mouth.
But, I'm surrounded by big food and tents and stuff and it just seemed to make sense when I tossed them into our cart. This is how they get you. By floating tents and trampolines in the air. It makes tubs of cheeze balls seem normal. Christian did give me a very cautious, exasperated look when he saw me grab them but he knows better than to say anything when he thinks I might be having a craving. I could tell he was a little turned off by me for the rest of the evening. I think he had a vision of me on the couch with the tub, pigging out on cheeze balls and watching Oprah. With orange finger tips and lips. And little orange crumbs on my shirt. He did quietly mention he is not too crazy about/would not eat even one of the cheeze balls when were at the check out but was ignored.
Anyway the amount you see in the photo is exactly how many are still left. No one has touched them. Whitley had like 3 and decided they were gross and I feel guilty feeding Sheldon anything that orange. If I show up at a your play group or party with that tub please don't turn me away. Just have a few.
So this is why we don't shop often at Sam's Club. Everyone's favorite superstore. We don't "save" (we never get out of there spending less than 200 dollars) and we don't eat (especially mayonnaise). I should say my family doesn't eat, I do- a lot, but even I am not capable of eating tubs of anything. Actually, maybe a few things(egg rolls), but in general. And when we do go I look up and end up buying tubs of cheeze balls that have no place in my non existent pantry.
People, this is why we have fat dogs.
5 comments:
I have made it this far in my life with successfully having never eaten a cheez ball. Nope ive never even been curious. But, I do have a ton of what was I thinking food purchases.
you are seriously so hilarrrrrious!!! I would pay you to just talk to me and make me laugh!!!! Where are you? I haven't seen you in forever???
Just found your blog and this post cracked me up.
Now I know what I was thinking when I bought that big package of double stuff oreos a few weeks back. I wanted 'a cookie', but the big package was on sale. So, it made sense to get the package, right?
And that is why there are very stale cookies sitting in my pantry. :)
Michelle Nankervis- is that you!? I got your spanx experience. Love it. Can I see the picture?
Oh, I would show that pic to you, really. But (luckily) my office picked the pose without my, um, wardrobe malfunction. The spanx experience is lost in a pile of proofs at the photographers, never to be seen again (if I can help it)!
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