My ex husband decided recently to drudge up some new custody issues. I thought we would be going to court to rehash the worst and longest custody case that we had just finished for the second time around 5 months ago. That alone makes you want to vomit and sometimes makes you really vomit or if anything just loose your appetite. 5 pounds. You can't enjoy food when you are wondering if this could be your last good meal before you go broke and have to start eating the beans from your food storage. I don't know if any of you have had to hire a lawyer but the rumors are true. They are really expensive friends. We have a couple for various aspects of our life. Mostly for business but our personal favorite and top on our payroll right now is our Family Law lawyer.
My advice is to always skip hello when they call you because they do charge you for it and no matter what, even if they ask to be nice, DO NOT talk about your kids or vacation!!!! That's expensive chit chat. I think it will cost you roughly 12 and half dollars just to answer your phone and say "Hello?" when they call. So having that looming over our heads and I won't even get into it, there are inevitably lots of phone calls that go like this.
Hi Susie it's N.......
Me- (sh*&). HEY THERE! Okay,What's going on now?
N- How are you? How are the kids?
Me- They're alive. What's up?
N- Okay I have a little bad news....
Me-( #&!*) I'm not actually saying these swear words. Just loudly thinking them. That would cost me.
N- Well I just talked to S (the enemy lawyer) and blah blah blah 10min blah blah blah 25min blah blah blah 45min blah blah blah 1 hour. So do you want to agree to what he is asking?
Me-No.
N- Okay but here is what will probably go down now. blah blah blah hour-10min blah blah blah hour-20min . So what do you think?
Me- Still no.
N- Okay I will have to call his attorney now and discuss with her what we talked about.
Me-Great.
Then 3 days later we get a familiar envelope in the mail with our bill of 500 dollars for that conversation and HER conversation with S (enemy lawyer) that nothing came out of. See, unfortunately ex and I decided to go out all "Dynasty" style and hire the two biggest (meaning most expensive) lawyers in Fresno. We literally write out a massive check to this woman every month for multiple of these productive phone calls; and I actually sent her a fruit bouquet once! When I thought we had finished this whole shenanigan! The message was basically- Thank you and please don't call back. Enjoy some fruit. And that- gives you diarrhea. 10 pounds. The massive checks, not the fruit although it can if you are the one eating it. I'm sharing all my tricks here.
When I meet or speak with people going into law my advice/question always is- Are you trying to change the world or get rich? Be honest with yourself and go into family law and send your kids to Harvard and drive that dream car! Go for it!
So that's the secret. It wasn't Weight Watchers, I didn't exercise. I just have a mean ex-husband and friendly lawyer. Very bad combo. Or very good if you are trying to lose a few lb's, depends on how you look at it.
Is it worth it. No.
I would gladly take those 10 pounds back along with my **** dollars. I could have bought some shoes or just paid for lipo.
6 comments:
UGH! What a pain? So sorry you have to deal with all that...I know that is life sometimes...hope all the issues get resolved soon and they can all stop wasting your time but more importantly WASTING your money!
Your right it is not worth it. But you do look good. Maybe we need another girl night!
GRRRR!!! Not a fun way to lose weight. Mine seems to be impervious to stress. It just hangs on for dear life, although if I would throw out the Halloween candy that might help.
P.S. I hope Pooface develops big painful hemorrhoids and sprouts warts all over his face. So there, Pooface. Leave my baby sister alone!!
Yuck. How awful! I've never worked with family law lawyers, just estate planning lawyers. I imagine it's pretty much the same. Nice people, but expensive allies.
I hate that you are going through this. :( And I agree with Elizabeth regarding pooface and the warts.
oh man, i so get that- i know, i get it now too why everyone hates lawyers! we went through that (*&^!@) with a lawyer also dealing with trying to get custody of my nephew and , man if I could get paid for talking and making phone calls like they do---I could OWN Nordstrom and Glen Ivy by now!!!!
THANK YOU!
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